Breathing Site

I surrender

2009-10-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

Finally, I did it. After putting if off for a long time, I finally surrendered last night. Boy, it was difficult. But then, I keep coming back to… “I don’t have to understand, I just have to obey”

Lord, give me strength as I get up in the morning.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus.

2009-08-19T22:34:00.001-07:00

I wanted to pick up from where I ended in my post last May.

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus.”

This is the same lesson God is teaching me as I go through another difficult time. This week has been incredibly hard for me. Just last Monday, I learned that James has found another one and shifted his status from “single to married.” I had been hearing rumors but didn’t think it could be true. I don’t think he’d replace me that fast. In my heart of hearts, I thought I’d still want to end up with him.

Learning about it, I became angry and resentful. I remembered all the words he said when we ended our relationship. He said that he doesn’t know if he’d ever love again. And after 2 months he FOUND another one. I felt betrayed. Did he really mean what he said?
Sleepless nights, endless tears. Those were my constant partners in the last few days. Without God’s unending comfort, I would have lost my mind. He made me realize that I have to forgive. (I am but human. It is hard.) I have to stand and move on. I know for a fact that James is a good man and he deserves to be happy. If he is happy where he is now, I should also be happy for him.

Neng said, healing takes time. I thought so too. Though I am slowly getting things in the right perspective, I still cry once in a while, still feel down, and still stare at the horizon.
In the end… it is just Him and me. And that’s all I want to think of now.
Psalm 34:18

It's the end.

2009-05-14T18:23:00.000-07:00

Endings can be excruciatingly painful, can’t they?

Last Monday, I finally told Angie and Sean that I won’t be able to teach them anymore. (I have been teaching Sean for more than a year and though Angie and I had only been together for half a year, we’ve become really close). Boy, it was hard. The moment I told Angie about it, she almost got teary eyed. My heart was breaking at that very moment.
Recently, I also just ended (as you know) a very important uhm, relationship I’ve had for the past year. Breaking up with him was 1000 times more difficult that the goodbye I had to give Angie and Sean.

I still wake up crying everyday. I still (regularly) cry the moment the light turns off at night. I still cry when I walk with the moonlight at 4 every morning. My heart is still hurting. It is a difficult time in my life now. Sometimes, I just want to burst out in the middle of class and just cry all day.

But throughout all the pain, the Lord has been by my side all along. He sees every tear that drops. He was there to comfort me and remind me that He is in control and He knows what He is doing.

God is reminding me a very important lesson…. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus”

Yes Lord. I shall fix my eyes on YOU.

Book Review

2009-04-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

Some books I’ve read in the past months.

The Wedding By Nicolas Sparks.
Not so many people like this book. They say it’s not romantic. I say that it’s just realistic. We do lose the feeling as time progresses. Love in itself if defined correctly which for me is commitment will last but the feeling won’t. There will always be a time when you won’t “feel” the love or spark that you used to have for your sweetheart. And this book is all about that. It’s a journey about a husband who somewhat forgot about the most important human relationship he’s got – his wife. And so, he spent a great deal of time to make up for the lost “time.” Don’t drop the book until the end! You won’t appreciate it when you give up soon! I cried in most pages… I can relate.

*I borrowed this book from Princess. (Thanks Prinz)

Fireproof (novelization by Eric Wilson)

Directors: Alex Kendrick and Stephen Kendrick
Most novels are turned into books but this is the other way around. This is a movie turned into a book. I can’t tell you what I like more because both the movie and the book are great.
It’s a bit slow paced and would make you yawn at some pages but it made me cry big time in the end! It’s a beautiful novel. I don’t want to be a spoiler but there are some scenes in the book that isn’t in the movie so better watch the movie first and then read the book.
The story is about a fireman and his wife who’s having a difficulty in their marriage to the point of wanting a divorce. Another realistic story about ‘feelings fading.’ You’ll learn a lot! MUST READ! MUST WATCH!

*I borrowed this book from my brother.

Boy by Roald Dahl
You’ll find this book in the Children’s section. Heheh.. This book is about the childhood of the children’s writer Roald Dalh. It’s filled with a lot of hilarious episodes and jaw breaking incidents like getting an operation without anesthesia in their dining table or being operated by a drunk doctor... beat that! It’s nice to know where a writer is coming from.

*I borrowed this book from my student.

Think Rich Quick By Trace Trajano and Larry Gamboa
This book was born I think a couple of years after Dr. Larry Gamboa wrote “Think Rich Pinoy.” Trace gave real examples of his deals in real estate (in USA) without money cash out! And yes, it can be done in the Philippines. (I’m doing it now) He added 2 stories of women who did it here. So why can’t we? I began to understand real estate better.

*In fairness, ako na bumili ng book na to. Heheh.

Grow Rich Pinoy By Larry Gamboa
I was not able to grasp the entire book because I only read it in about 5 hours while watching TV hehe (bad idea). What made it different from “Think Rich Pinoy” is that Grow Rich has more concepts and principles. TRP has a lot of real examples, computations, templates etc.

*I borrowed this book from Ebb.

A Woman After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George
I LOVE IT! It’s a must read for every wife and mother and single women who is about to get married. It is full of verses and practical examples on how to apply the Proverbs 31 woman and the woman that God designed us to be. You should be able to apply them after reading it or you just wasted your time! Please read this!

*I borrowed this book from Ms. Sonia.

I am stressed.

2009-03-26T14:38:00.000-07:00

I’ve been having sleeping problems since end of last year and was finally able to overcome it 3 weeks ago. Whenever I’m asked if I got any prayer request, I always tell them to pray for a good sleep. And now, the sleeping problem returned since this week. I feel so stressed. I had a good 2 week sleep and now IT is coming back. If you could pray for me, I’d appreciate it if you include me in your prayers.

A verse occurred to me while ranting to God this morning. “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" (Job 2:10)

Should we just remember Him in good times? Shouldn’t we also thank Him in EVERY situation?

Hay… Thank you, Jesus, for the bed where I sleep in. Thank you that I have work while everyone else lose theirs. Thank you that I have You and You remind me of the things I should know.

Thank you for reading this and thank you in advance for praying with me.

I am deciding that this day will be a good day!

Give me that hanky wave!

2009-03-15T15:49:00.000-07:00

(Only Julie Anne Barnhill readers can relate!)

After reading Scandalous Grace and Radical Forgiveness, I’m holding another laugh-out-loud-and-cry-at-the-same-time book called “Exquisite Hope.” I found it in MV Doulos the other day that has a tag “Single Copy” in it! (Wow!) I bet God intended to have me buy that book because I’m starting to become hopeless in an area in my life which Julie herself mentioned in page 11! Hahaha..

I almost finished the first chapter before I even reached the counter (I’m not kidding). And I don’t care that people occasionally look at me every time I laugh while lining up at the cashier.

I am so excited! :D

I almost touched the moon

2009-02-09T15:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I saw the moon face to face. I don’t care whether you think I’m lunatic or what but I just saw the moon. It was so close that I could touch it! The moment I saw it, I just stopped in the middle of the street staring at that big thing in the sky and started crying and crying until I got to the office. How in the world can anybody “create” a moon??? Now, tell me honestly. If I give you a million dollars, would you be able to “create” a moon?!

When I was young, I am always amazed every time I see tall buildings. I just think that it is amazing. Even now, when I see buildings at the window of our break room, I am still in awe at how magnificent the buildings around are. Who takes credit of these buildings? “My dad was the architect of that building” Someone takes credit of that. And how about the moon? Who takes credit of that thing in the sky?? None! None but God! It was just sooo amazing to realize how awesome God is! He is the only One who can create the moon, sun, stars, the entire universe!

Do you believe in God? If you care about your life and the life after your life here on earth, allow me to share with you one very important message… “God loves you and died in the cross for your sins” I know that long ago you might say. I understand. I knew that too long ago but did not do anything about it. If you love Jesus, how are you showing it? Trying hard to be good? God wants your heart. Your whole heart! I invite you to talk to God tonight and ask Him forgiveness for all the wrong things that you have done in your life. Ask Him to help you turn away from it and that from this day forward you will follow His ways. Let Him be your Lord and Savior.

If you got a Bible at home, read it everyday. Read God’s love letter to you.

Look around. See God’s magnificence through His creation and remember God every time you see the moon…

Laughtrip 3

2009-02-03T15:32:00.000-08:00

Lesson: Congratulating someone who got promoted

Viviene: Let’s say, your boss got promoted. What will you tell him?
Student: You don’t deserve it!! (with feelings)
Viviene: Oh, mmm… Let’s say you would like to congratulate him. What will you tell him?
Student: Why should I congratulate him? I don’t like him! He does not deserve it!!!
(Ano beh! Bitter?!)

Laughtrip 2

2009-02-03T15:30:00.000-08:00

Lesson: Asking if the seat is taken

Viviene: What will you say in this situation?
Student: Can I borrow your jacket?
(Sorry naman! Fashionista ang lola. Baka nagustuhan ung jacket. Hehe)

Laughtrip

2009-02-03T15:26:00.001-08:00

Lesson: Telling someone to be quiet

Viviene: Can you describe the picture? What is the woman saying?
Student: Can I have one cigarette?
(Heheheh….. ayos! Sobrang creative nito sumagot! Out of this world promise! The best!)

Everyday!

2009-02-02T15:16:00.000-08:00

What to say, Lord? It's
You who gave me life and I
Can't explain just how
Much You mean to me now
That You have saved me, Lord
I give all that I am to You
That everyday I can
Be a light that shines Your name

Everyday, Lord, I'll
Learn to stand upon Your word
And I pray that I
That I might come to know You more
That You would guide me with every single step I take, that
Everyday I can
Be Your light unto the world

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

Everyday, Lord, I'll
Learn to stand upon Your word
And I pray that I
That I might come to know You more
That You would guide me with every single step I take, that
Everyday I can
Be Your light unto the world

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

It's You I live for, everyday
It's You I live for, everyday
It's You I live for, everyday
It's You I live for, everyday

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord

(This is exactly what my heart wanted to say today.... and everyday!)

Prayer of a child

2009-02-01T19:31:00.000-08:00

Last week in the middle of class, Sean asked me “Teacher, when can we pray?” I said we could pray anytime – the moment we wake up, before we eat, while walking, anytime! He reminded me that I told him to pray before he sleeps so he thought that was the only time we could pray.

I sensed that something was bothering this little boy so I inquired some more. “Why? Is there anything you want to pray about?”

He didn’t answer immediately. “Well, yeah. My friend and I fought.”

I just smiled and asked, “Would you like to pray now?” He just looked at me without saying anything but his eyes were shouting a big “YES”

So, we closed our eyes and prayed. It was like there was a certain feeling of relief in Sean’s eyes after I prayed for him.

The next day…

“Teacher! God answered our prayer! We are friends again! Thank you” =) My heart was smiling, “God, that was sure sweet. Thank you for restoring their friendship”

On the same day while having class, he noticed that I was not as energetic as I always do. He asked me what was wrong. I told him I had canker sore and my teeth cracked (literally) and it was really painful (too painful that I couldn’t concentrate so much in class). And this is what he said…

“Teacher, we have to pray…” (I almost cried)

“Can you pray for me?” I said. Then, he led a prayer to our Abba Father to heal my pain.

One of the sweetest prayers I ever heard.

Question and Answer portion

2009-01-05T15:00:00.000-08:00

What do you want to do this year that you were not able to do last year? i want to....

....finish my advanced speeches (toastmasters)
....learn to cook
....learn Japanese/Korean
....stay focused on my goals
....start saving!!! (for crying out loud!)
....win more souls to Christ
…spend more time with my family
…join SIM (singles in motion). I want to dance!!!

What do you want to continue to do this year that you started doing last year? I want to...

.....remain thin (hahah)
....take care of my hair
....travel
…bake bake bake

What countries do you still want to visit this year?
Japan, Korea, Canada, Singapore

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
funds… hahha.. i want to send my sister abroad t o travel

What is one place that you really really want to go to this year?
Japan/Canada

What are the places that you want to go back to this year?
PNG (kung posible)

What are you looking forward to this year?
mmm… God’s strength

Do you think that 2009 will be a better year for you?
It will be one of the best years of my life. (hahha)

What is one thing that you will change in your attitude?
be more patient, compassion for the lost

What is one dream that you want to see fulfilled this year?
=)

What can make you really really excited this year?
little by little getting closer to where I want to be

What would be your motto for this year?
FIGHT (motto ba un?)

I am a Christian

2009-01-04T12:43:00.000-08:00

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin."I'm whispering "I was lost,"Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"I don't speak of this with pride.I'm confessing that I stumbleand need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not trying to be strong.I'm professing that I'm weakand need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not bragging of success.I'm admitting I have failedand need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not claiming to be perfect,My flaws are far too visiblebut, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I still feel the sting of pain,I have my share of heartachesSo I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not holier than thou,I'm just a simple sinnerwho received God's good grace, somehow.

~Maya Angelou~

Random Thoughts

2008-12-21T16:04:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, I just want to lose touch with my emotions. I want to be numb. I don’t want to feel anything.

I don’t care anymore. I don’t want to know whether it will happen or not. If tomorrow never comes, I would still be happy.

I want to stand firm, but sometimes… the wind just won’t stop blowing.

When is the right time to give up? When is the right time to hold on? When do you know it is right?

Broken relationships. Will they ever be fixed?

I wish I didn’t grow up. I wish I had forever been a toddler. You can just cry when you get frustrated. And won’t even care if you ever get what you cried for or not.

I wish I didn’t have to think and weigh things. I wish everything will just flow without me having to decide.

Ms Petite International

2008-12-14T19:45:00.000-08:00

Out of the blue… I just wanted to awaken the beauty queen in me (if there is any hormone that wouldn’t protest!)

2 years ago I told myself that I will not let my 24th birthday go without joining a beauty pageant. Usually, 24 is the age limit of beauty contests. I had long forgotten this dream of mine until I chanced upon a website about petite beauty titlists. I read through the page and found out that the contest is open for applicants 18 to 29 years old. Can you believe that? Of course I emailed. I don’t know the answer yet but let’s see how it will go.

Keep you posted!

(Stop laughing!)

Forgiveness.

2008-12-08T20:11:00.000-08:00

I don’t think Sean will ever read this blog so I’ll go talk about him again. He hated this classmate of his named Na Young because she kept on telling the whole world that Sean likes her. Sean was really pissed off and wouldn’t talk to her since. He would avoid her and show Na Young that he hates her. I told Sean to forgive Na Young and you can imagine this boy yelling “NO WAY! I HATE HER!”

In my heart, I know that God was speaking to me. Sean and I are in the same page. I also hate a woman I used to consider a close friend. I haven’t forgiven her since that day she arrogantly dismissed my sweet smile. I wish it was so easy to forgive her for being so abusive with her words but it is just not that easy. I hate her so bad. I can’t even afford to look at her face for more that 5 seconds. I want to vomit. God always reminds me of how He had forgiven me of the horrible things that I have done. But… I don’t know, I just don’t know how to forgive her. No matter how many times I read any verse about forgiveness, I just can’t stand forgiving her.

And him… I thought I had forgiven him. I still think of him as an ass. I can’t forgive what he has done to me. Whenever I think of him... I imagine a scene where I would slap his face till it gets as red as strawberry. (That’s mean!)

Imprisoned. Unhappy. Frustrated.

The heart of a child.

2008-12-08T20:10:00.001-08:00

Sean is my little one. He’s the grade 4 boy I had been teaching for over a year now. (It was our anniversary last November)

I was touched by the story Sean told me yesterday. They got this homework about heroes. Find your hero and make a paragraph or two about this person and report it to class. Sean chose a Korean guy who invented the Korean alphabet. Billy, his classmate, chose Jesus. How sweet. Sean said Billy was even teary eyed while he was talking about ‘his’ hero.

Is He your hero too?

Busy weekend

2008-12-07T19:43:00.000-08:00

I always look forward to Fridays and weekends because it is my time for rest, but not last weekend.

Friday. It was jam packed. We had our team building after the shift until late at night. I had to leave early coz james’ mom was in the hospital. We went to visit her there. She’s fine now.

Saturday. It’s melai’s wedding. Huwat? Is she really getting married? Well, she is. Congrats Obet and Melai! Alagaan mo si toyo ah! Heheh.. I love you melai!

Sunday. Finally! Alex and I were able to meet after almost 3 months! Our schedule just doesn’t meet! Then, I went Christmas shopping. It was almost done. A few people left in my list.
I’m happy it’s Monday, except the fact that I have to wake up early again for the next 5 days!

Lee Make History

2008-12-02T16:17:00.000-08:00

My friend’s work has been picked for the Lee Make History contest in Europe. You might want to check out his work here… http://makehistory. eu/ and VOTE for his entry too! It is entitled 80’s Child of the Year 2000! (Upper left… rate the photo!)

Thank you!

I love this day

2008-11-30T15:54:00.001-08:00

Roughly an hour after I posted my message, I realized that I should be thankful that I went to work today. If I didn’t go to my classes today, it would trim down the numbers in my pay slip at the end of the month so I guess it’s a good thing since it’s double pay or 30% (I’m not sure) today. It isn’t all that bad anyway. Hahha.. just want to share (…and redeem myself for being so stubborn this morning) I just feel a lot better now than when I started my day. Thank you Jesus!

I hate this day

2008-11-30T15:14:00.000-08:00

The whole Philippines is having a vacation today except all the teachers in our school! L It’s not what I am sad about. It’s the fact that I should have been in the retreat (Nov 29 to Dec 1) until now but I had to go home earlier yesterday noon because I have work today. I feel so so bad. And guess what?! 4 of my students today were absent. Come on! I should have been absent today instead too!!!

I tried to ask permission for a leave but I was declined. I tried again. Obviously, they didn’t allow me. That time, my quiet time was about ‘miracles’ and I was asking God how He could show me His miracle and God impressed in my heart about the retreat. Maybe God could allow some miracles so the management would allow me to take a day off on the last day of the retreat which is today, Monday.

I felt that I didn’t do my best explaining that my presence in the retreat was vital given that I’ll have a performance on the 1st night and will be hosting on the 2nd night and that I’m part of the Singles’ Core Team and the Retreat Core team too. I should have told them those. I already accepted defeat without trying my very best.

Lesson learned: Try try try. Don’t accept defeat until it’s over. Who knows? God can do miracles! (I wish I could bring back time)

God’s wonders…

2008-11-25T19:18:00.000-08:00

God never fails to touch my heart whenever I hear people’s testimony of God’s power in turning their lives around. God is truly in the business of changing lives. He can turn a sinner into a saint worshipping Him only.

I just finished reading 2 testimonies of people I work with in the ministry. I was so amazed at how God worked in their lives and allowed them to have a complete turn around! Like what the Bible says, “I am a new creation!”

I was reminded of God’s grace. I was reminded of how God has delivered me from the pain of the past and even the pain of the present. His love and mercy keeps me alive!

Job 37

2008-11-23T21:43:00.000-08:00

It helps to know that God is majestic and that God is in control of everything.

I'm glad to have You!

Reminisce

2008-11-13T15:19:00.000-08:00

I long to meet you. I long to see your face. When I read your love letters, it makes me feel even more excited to spend the rest of my life with you.

I received a letter from Nathalie. It was great hearing about how You are working in their lives. I wonder what it would be like if I was there. It reminded me of the simple life You had me experience while I was in that far away place… Would You like me to come back?

October

2008-11-03T20:22:00.000-08:00

October has been a very very very busy month. Have I said I was busy in October? Well, got classes here and there. (and again… no complaints! Just airing my mmm whatever you call it!)
I’m happier now than weeks ago. It has been stressful. I don’t know.. mood swings.. PMS… clinical depression. I have no idea! But glad it was over. My life is starting to be back to normal again (somehow). Hey, got my request approved. Full time na ko sa duzon yehey!
That’s all the update I have for now!

(corny.. haha.. will try to update some more next time)

Busy mode

2008-10-14T17:40:00.000-07:00

Ang damiiiiii kong studentsssssss... huhuhu (I'm not complaining! Just stating a fact. hihihi... Jesus, thank you that I have work.)

Bloopers!

2008-10-09T16:31:00.000-07:00

Imagine my horror when I said good-bye to my student... "Bye Henry! Nice having class with you! See you tomorrow!"

Then he goes, "Ahmm... teacher, this is not Henry. This is JOE!"

HAHAHAHA....

Sometimes it's just nice to have a big laugh!!!

(I got all sorts of messages in Skype after that... "Hey Viv, was that you laughing???? Ang lakas mo tumawa!")

I Can Only Imagine

2008-10-07T17:27:00.000-07:00

Im not sure whats in me again today that I feel so down. Thank God for music! I listened to this song and got back to my senses again... I can only imagine what it would be like when I am standing side by side with Jesus... *kilig* what a day to look forward to! I long to see Your face...

By: MercyMe
I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory,
what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah,
will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

[Chorus]
I can only imagine [x2]
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever,
forever worship you

I can only imagine

Things change...

2008-10-07T15:44:00.000-07:00

sad :(

Revival

2008-10-05T17:47:00.000-07:00

I’m not very good at keeping my blog. I moved several times since I posted my first blog.. blogspot.. Friendster.. another Friendster account.. then moved back in to blogspot.. I even had livejournal in between! All of them, I was not able to keep. Well, let me try to revive this blog at least. Keeping all of those might be too much on my plate!

...

Today isn't a very special day. I woke up at 3am, left the house at 4am and started class at 5am. (Yes, my life starts at 3am. I teach English online and this is my schedule.)

I got a seatmate here on my left, MC. At the end of her class she realized she forgot to record her class. That would equal to a memo / IR = Incident report. It is like a red card in soccer (or perhaps just yellow). She was devastated and so was I. We were both dreaming of becoming Team Leaders "someday" and now she got one bad record because of that record button!

Life isn't always what we wanted it to be. But like what they say... It is not what happens to you. It is how you react to them.

We had breakfast and prayed together. She got a little bit teary eyed after we prayed. I was touched by her gesture when she said she has never been prayed like that before.

I have not been doing that for some time and I need to do that more often. I felt like I am very aloof to people at times that I don't care about what happens to others as long as I'm alive and kicking.

God was somehow talking to me. I need more compassion and love for others. And that calls for a revival! #

After 10 years!

2008-08-01T18:55:00.000-07:00

I can't remember the last time I posted. Hehehe... So many things happened between the last time I posted till now (malamang, that's like 10 years in between)!

Nothing so important and urgent. Just wanted to say that my blog is still alive. Hehe..

I'm enjoying the rain. I've been wearing long sleeves for at least a week already. I look so professional; I think it's cool. I don't look 21. I look... maybe 27 or 28. :p (For the record, I'm 24. And look 21 when I'm in jeans and 28 when I'm in long sleeves!)

Geesh.. just got a news from Mrs Lee. I got no classes from weds onwards. When will I have my next class? I dont know! Wahhh.. Zero balance na naman ATM ko. Hehe.. I froze when Mrs Lee told me that but well, I know things happen for a reason. Like what James told me yesterday, don't get through things just because, let your reason be "to glorify God" in everything. God be glorified in this time of stress and financial drought! ;p i love you Jesus!

that's all..

till next post!

Next in line...

2008-07-03T23:18:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to grab a book for Trevor (my student) yesterday but Manga Messiah was out of stock already so I just went around and checked out some books.

These are some nice books I found (and planning to buy next pay day ~wink~)

1. Xtreme Faith True Stories of teens on a sacred journey by Kelly Carr
*i think this book is really interesting. well, its for teens but i bet all can learn from their stories!

2. What Makes a Winner by Whit Criswell
*the title says it all! what makes a winner!

3. A Wife After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George
*I don't think I'll wait to become a wife before i read this book. i wanna know what i should do before i get there!

4. Relationships How to make bad relationships better and good relationships great by Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott
*it comes with a workbook so i think it would be nice to buy it and read it with your partner.

Visiting a bookstore is always a nice experience!

I’m back

2008-06-21T20:33:00.000-07:00

I’m back to being myself, finally!

During my journey in the desert, I kept praying “Lord, bring me back to being me. I want to be Viviene again.”

And last night, I finally heard myself laugh for the first time and I mean really laugh! I have a very distinct laughter so it’s always easy to figure out if I’m present in an event or not. Or if you are trying to find me in the crowd, it’s easy to spot me. Just listen to my voice (to my laughter to be exact) and there you will find me!

I cracked a joke that made Mara really laugh hard. She said, “Oh my Viviene. You are really back. It’s good to see you around again!” I somewhat detached myself from the world for quite some time.

Two nights ago, Dr. Larry said before we parted after the Toastmasters meeting, “It’s good to see you more regularly now.” I always have a lot of alibi for not attending our meetings.

And check out my room now… My room is a very accurate gauge of my emotional condition. I never allow my room to be messy. It’s my space and I want it neat and clean at all times! And when I am upset, disappointed or depressed I assure you, my room is no different from a jungle! LOL

I’m so happy to finally be back! Yehey! It’s nice to visibly see that I’m going back to a normal life.

Exodus 13:19

2008-06-14T18:13:00.001-07:00

‘Moses took the bones of Joseph with him, for Joseph had made the sons of Israel swear that they would take his bones with them when God led them out of Egypt – as he was sure God would.’

Say what? I don’t know what you call that but I would simply call that faith. It’s like saying… “I might not witness it but I’m certain God will do as He promised so go take my bone when it happens, all right?”

You can count on God’s promises!

Deliverance

2008-06-14T18:12:00.000-07:00

God must have intentionally led me to read Exodus in my quiet time to make the lessons come more alive in my life.

I had been enslaved with worry, guilt and unforgiveness that led to depression for days, weeks or maybe months. I isolated myself from ministry, fellowship and church activities in general. I just want to be alone.

Then just some nights ago, I had a coffee chat with Weng. Apparently, she’d been noticing that I am ‘not’ ok. In as much as I want to establish my composure, I was just brought to tears as I pour my heart out. You call that breathing!

And now, I am absolutely sure that… I had been delivered. I’m ready to face life again. Armed with God’s strength, I know I can now stand again.

Saving Grace

2008-06-12T23:06:00.000-07:00

Night and day I seek Your face
Long for You in the secret place
All I want in this life
Is to truly know you more...

As the waters cover the sea,
So Your love covers me
Guiding me on,
Roads unkown
I trust in You alone

CHORUS
My Saving Grace
My endless love
Deeper and deeper
I'm falling in love with You
My one desire
My only truth
Deeper and deeper
I'm falling in love with you

BRIDGE
And I will rise on wings of eagles
Soaring high above all my fears
I rest in Your open arms of love

A song that brought me to tears this morning! It spoke of my heart... "All I want in this life
Is to truly know you more..."

I'm in love with You, Lord!

Suffocated

2008-06-11T02:21:00.000-07:00

1 week of not breathing is really something! I had no internet at home nor in school, so wasnt able to visit my blog for a week! This is my breathing place. And not breathing for a week is suffocating! Stress is up until my neck and had a tremendous break down 2 nights ago. Everything is well now. ~wink~

I shall return with my normal blogging in a few days. Heheh...

Knowing You

2008-06-01T22:33:00.000-07:00

All I once held dear built my life upon
All this world reveres, and wars to own
All I once thought gain I have counted loss
Spent and worthless now, compared to this

(Chorus:)
Knowing you, Jesus knowing you
There is no greater thing
You're my all you're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love you ,lord
Now my heart's desire is to know you more
To be found in you, and known as yours
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

(Chorus)

Oh to know the power of your risen life
And to know you in your suffering
To become like you in your death my Lord
So with You to liveAnd never die

(Chorus)

God spoke to me in a special way through this song. There really is no greater thing than knowing Jesus!

Coffee Fellowship

2008-05-30T19:27:00.000-07:00

I had such an awesome time last night with Omar, Pam, Macey and Tito --- (oh my, i forgot his name!). We had a night of kwento kwento and more kwento. I shared with them the "inside story" about what is going on in my life now and has been going on since last year. God moved Pam to pray for me (thank you Pam. really appreciate it). Omar drove me home too and got more of the "inside story" I can't thank God enough for last night!

Coffee Fellowship Night
about 9.30pm / every last Friday of the month
Free flowing coffee, music and kwentuhan!

Friday Night Movie (FREE)
7.30pm / every last Friday of the month
inspiring and encouraging movies that will move you!

CCF Alabang
Madrigal Business Park

I really encourage you to attend! If you have questions email me here or call CCF Alabang at 772-3035. Everyone is welcome. And i mean everyone (that includes you!)

Books to read...

2008-05-30T19:18:00.000-07:00

I love Julie Ann Barnhill!

I've read her book Scandalous Grace and just finished another book of hers yesterday, Radical Forgiveness. They're truly must-reads!

Scandalous Grace (thank you Neng for lending me one and Mark for eventually giving me one last Christmas!) - this book is about just every woman like you and me who've hurt God whether small or BIG. It is about how much God loves us inspite of those "bad" things we have done. He still wants to offer you and me Scandalous Grace. You will definitely find yourself in the pages of this book.

Radical Forgiveness (again thank you Neng for lending me the book. i will return it tomorrow) - this is about how marvelous God's forgiveness is. It made me realize that indeed I need to forgive... 1.) those people (well in my case that one person!) who has hurt us so bad, 2.) forgive God for the things He has done or hasnt done in our lives, 3.) forgive ourselves for the super most stupidestest (have i said stupid yet?) thing we have done in the past. Wow, how liberating to finally forgive!

Fellow traveller

2008-05-30T19:03:00.000-07:00

This is my place to breathe. Feel free to breathe too. I know we’ll be able to relate in one way or another. I know we’ll connect…

This is my place to learn. I’m sure I will learn a lot from you. Perhaps you’ve been there, done that. Or maybe I’ve been there, done that. I hope this learning place would help both you & me.

This is my place. This is your place. You can own it if you want.