Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus.

I wanted to pick up from where I ended in my post last May.

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus.”

This is the same lesson God is teaching me as I go through another difficult time. This week has been incredibly hard for me. Just last Monday, I learned that James has found another one and shifted his status from “single to married.” I had been hearing rumors but didn’t think it could be true. I don’t think he’d replace me that fast. In my heart of hearts, I thought I’d still want to end up with him.

Learning about it, I became angry and resentful. I remembered all the words he said when we ended our relationship. He said that he doesn’t know if he’d ever love again. And after 2 months he FOUND another one. I felt betrayed. Did he really mean what he said?
Sleepless nights, endless tears. Those were my constant partners in the last few days. Without God’s unending comfort, I would have lost my mind. He made me realize that I have to forgive. (I am but human. It is hard.) I have to stand and move on. I know for a fact that James is a good man and he deserves to be happy. If he is happy where he is now, I should also be happy for him.

Neng said, healing takes time. I thought so too. Though I am slowly getting things in the right perspective, I still cry once in a while, still feel down, and still stare at the horizon.
In the end… it is just Him and me. And that’s all I want to think of now.
Psalm 34:18