I surrender

Finally, I did it. After putting if off for a long time, I finally surrendered last night. Boy, it was difficult. But then, I keep coming back to… “I don’t have to understand, I just have to obey”

Lord, give me strength as I get up in the morning.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus.

I wanted to pick up from where I ended in my post last May.

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus.”


This is the same lesson God is teaching me as I go through another difficult time. This week has been incredibly hard for me. Just last Monday, I learned that James has found another one and shifted his status from “single to married.” I had been hearing rumors but didn’t think it could be true. I don’t think he’d replace me that fast. In my heart of hearts, I thought I’d still want to end up with him.


Learning about it, I became angry and resentful. I remembered all the words he said when we ended our relationship. He said that he doesn’t know if he’d ever love again. And after 2 months he FOUND another one. I felt betrayed. Did he really mean what he said?
Sleepless nights, endless tears. Those were my constant partners in the last few days. Without God’s unending comfort, I would have lost my mind. He made me realize that I have to forgive. (I am but human. It is hard.) I have to stand and move on. I know for a fact that James is a good man and he deserves to be happy. If he is happy where he is now, I should also be happy for him.


Neng said, healing takes time. I thought so too. Though I am slowly getting things in the right perspective, I still cry once in a while, still feel down, and still stare at the horizon.
In the end… it is just Him and me. And that’s all I want to think of now.
Psalm 34:18

It's the end.

Endings can be excruciatingly painful, can’t they?


Last Monday, I finally told Angie and Sean that I won’t be able to teach them anymore. (I have been teaching Sean for more than a year and though Angie and I had only been together for half a year, we’ve become really close). Boy, it was hard. The moment I told Angie about it, she almost got teary eyed. My heart was breaking at that very moment.
Recently, I also just ended (as you know) a very important uhm, relationship I’ve had for the past year. Breaking up with him was 1000 times more difficult that the goodbye I had to give Angie and Sean.


I still wake up crying everyday. I still (regularly) cry the moment the light turns off at night. I still cry when I walk with the moonlight at 4 every morning. My heart is still hurting. It is a difficult time in my life now. Sometimes, I just want to burst out in the middle of class and just cry all day.


But throughout all the pain, the Lord has been by my side all along. He sees every tear that drops. He was there to comfort me and remind me that He is in control and He knows what He is doing.


God is reminding me a very important lesson…. “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus”


Yes Lord. I shall fix my eyes on YOU.

Book Review

Some books I’ve read in the past months.


The Wedding By Nicolas Sparks.
Not so many people like this book. They say it’s not romantic. I say that it’s just realistic. We do lose the feeling as time progresses. Love in itself if defined correctly which for me is commitment will last but the feeling won’t. There will always be a time when you won’t “feel” the love or spark that you used to have for your sweetheart. And this book is all about that. It’s a journey about a husband who somewhat forgot about the most important human relationship he’s got – his wife. And so, he spent a great deal of time to make up for the lost “time.” Don’t drop the book until the end! You won’t appreciate it when you give up soon! I cried in most pages… I can relate.



*I borrowed this book from Princess. (Thanks Prinz)

Fireproof (novelization by Eric Wilson)

Directors: Alex Kendrick and Stephen Kendrick
Most novels are turned into books but this is the other way around. This is a movie turned into a book. I can’t tell you what I like more because both the movie and the book are great.
It’s a bit slow paced and would make you yawn at some pages but it made me cry big time in the end! It’s a beautiful novel. I don’t want to be a spoiler but there are some scenes in the book that isn’t in the movie so better watch the movie first and then read the book.
The story is about a fireman and his wife who’s having a difficulty in their marriage to the point of wanting a divorce. Another realistic story about ‘feelings fading.’ You’ll learn a lot! MUST READ! MUST WATCH!

*I borrowed this book from my brother.

Boy by Roald Dahl
You’ll find this book in the Children’s section. Heheh.. This book is about the childhood of the children’s writer Roald Dalh. It’s filled with a lot of hilarious episodes and jaw breaking incidents like getting an operation without anesthesia in their dining table or being operated by a drunk doctor... beat that! It’s nice to know where a writer is coming from.

*I borrowed this book from my student.

Think Rich Quick By Trace Trajano and Larry Gamboa
This book was born I think a couple of years after Dr. Larry Gamboa wrote “Think Rich Pinoy.” Trace gave real examples of his deals in real estate (in USA) without money cash out! And yes, it can be done in the Philippines. (I’m doing it now) He added 2 stories of women who did it here. So why can’t we? I began to understand real estate better.

*In fairness, ako na bumili ng book na to. Heheh.

Grow Rich Pinoy By Larry Gamboa
I was not able to grasp the entire book because I only read it in about 5 hours while watching TV hehe (bad idea). What made it different from “Think Rich Pinoy” is that Grow Rich has more concepts and principles. TRP has a lot of real examples, computations, templates etc.

*I borrowed this book from Ebb.

A Woman After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George
I LOVE IT! It’s a must read for every wife and mother and single women who is about to get married. It is full of verses and practical examples on how to apply the Proverbs 31 woman and the woman that God designed us to be. You should be able to apply them after reading it or you just wasted your time! Please read this!

*I borrowed this book from Ms. Sonia.

I am stressed.

I’ve been having sleeping problems since end of last year and was finally able to overcome it 3 weeks ago. Whenever I’m asked if I got any prayer request, I always tell them to pray for a good sleep. And now, the sleeping problem returned since this week. I feel so stressed. I had a good 2 week sleep and now IT is coming back. If you could pray for me, I’d appreciate it if you include me in your prayers.

A verse occurred to me while ranting to God this morning. “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" (Job 2:10)

Should we just remember Him in good times? Shouldn’t we also thank Him in EVERY situation?

Hay… Thank you, Jesus, for the bed where I sleep in. Thank you that I have work while everyone else lose theirs. Thank you that I have You and You remind me of the things I should know.

Thank you for reading this and thank you in advance for praying with me.

I am deciding that this day will be a good day!

Give me that hanky wave!

(Only Julie Anne Barnhill readers can relate!)


After reading Scandalous Grace and Radical Forgiveness, I’m holding another laugh-out-loud-and-cry-at-the-same-time book called “Exquisite Hope.” I found it in MV Doulos the other day that has a tag “Single Copy” in it! (Wow!) I bet God intended to have me buy that book because I’m starting to become hopeless in an area in my life which Julie herself mentioned in page 11! Hahaha..


I almost finished the first chapter before I even reached the counter (I’m not kidding). And I don’t care that people occasionally look at me every time I laugh while lining up at the cashier.


I am so excited! :D

I almost touched the moon

Yesterday, I saw the moon face to face. I don’t care whether you think I’m lunatic or what but I just saw the moon. It was so close that I could touch it! The moment I saw it, I just stopped in the middle of the street staring at that big thing in the sky and started crying and crying until I got to the office. How in the world can anybody “create” a moon??? Now, tell me honestly. If I give you a million dollars, would you be able to “create” a moon?!


When I was young, I am always amazed every time I see tall buildings. I just think that it is amazing. Even now, when I see buildings at the window of our break room, I am still in awe at how magnificent the buildings around are. Who takes credit of these buildings? “My dad was the architect of that building” Someone takes credit of that. And how about the moon? Who takes credit of that thing in the sky?? None! None but God! It was just sooo amazing to realize how awesome God is! He is the only One who can create the moon, sun, stars, the entire universe!


Do you believe in God? If you care about your life and the life after your life here on earth, allow me to share with you one very important message… “God loves you and died in the cross for your sins” I know that long ago you might say. I understand. I knew that too long ago but did not do anything about it. If you love Jesus, how are you showing it? Trying hard to be good? God wants your heart. Your whole heart! I invite you to talk to God tonight and ask Him forgiveness for all the wrong things that you have done in your life. Ask Him to help you turn away from it and that from this day forward you will follow His ways. Let Him be your Lord and Savior.


If you got a Bible at home, read it everyday. Read God’s love letter to you.


Look around. See God’s magnificence through His creation and remember God every time you see the moon…

Laughtrip 3

Lesson: Congratulating someone who got promoted

Viviene: Let’s say, your boss got promoted. What will you tell him?
Student: You don’t deserve it!! (with feelings)
Viviene: Oh, mmm… Let’s say you would like to congratulate him. What will you tell him?
Student: Why should I congratulate him? I don’t like him! He does not deserve it!!!
(Ano beh! Bitter?!)

Laughtrip 2

Lesson: Asking if the seat is taken

Viviene: What will you say in this situation?
Student: Can I borrow your jacket?
(Sorry naman! Fashionista ang lola. Baka nagustuhan ung jacket. Hehe)

Laughtrip

Lesson: Telling someone to be quiet

Viviene: Can you describe the picture? What is the woman saying?
Student: Can I have one cigarette?
(Heheheh….. ayos! Sobrang creative nito sumagot! Out of this world promise! The best!)

Everyday!

What to say, Lord? It's
You who gave me life and I
Can't explain just how
Much You mean to me now
That You have saved me, Lord
I give all that I am to You
That everyday I can
Be a light that shines Your name


Everyday, Lord, I'll
Learn to stand upon Your word
And I pray that I
That I might come to know You more
That You would guide me with every single step I take, that
Everyday I can
Be Your light unto the world


Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord


Everyday, Lord, I'll
Learn to stand upon Your word
And I pray that I
That I might come to know You more
That You would guide me with every single step I take, that
Everyday I can
Be Your light unto the world


Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord


It's You I live for, everyday
It's You I live for, everyday
It's You I live for, everyday
It's You I live for, everyday


Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord


Everyday, it's You I live for
Everyday, I'll follow after You
Everyday, I'll walk with You, my Lord


(This is exactly what my heart wanted to say today.... and everyday!)

Prayer of a child

Last week in the middle of class, Sean asked me “Teacher, when can we pray?” I said we could pray anytime – the moment we wake up, before we eat, while walking, anytime! He reminded me that I told him to pray before he sleeps so he thought that was the only time we could pray.


I sensed that something was bothering this little boy so I inquired some more. “Why? Is there anything you want to pray about?”


He didn’t answer immediately. “Well, yeah. My friend and I fought.”


I just smiled and asked, “Would you like to pray now?” He just looked at me without saying anything but his eyes were shouting a big “YES”


So, we closed our eyes and prayed. It was like there was a certain feeling of relief in Sean’s eyes after I prayed for him.


The next day…


“Teacher! God answered our prayer! We are friends again! Thank you” =) My heart was smiling, “God, that was sure sweet. Thank you for restoring their friendship”


On the same day while having class, he noticed that I was not as energetic as I always do. He asked me what was wrong. I told him I had canker sore and my teeth cracked (literally) and it was really painful (too painful that I couldn’t concentrate so much in class). And this is what he said…


“Teacher, we have to pray…” (I almost cried)


“Can you pray for me?” I said. Then, he led a prayer to our Abba Father to heal my pain.


One of the sweetest prayers I ever heard.

Question and Answer portion

What do you want to do this year that you were not able to do last year? i want to....

....finish my advanced speeches (toastmasters)
....learn to cook
....learn Japanese/Korean
....stay focused on my goals
....start saving!!! (for crying out loud!)
....win more souls to Christ
…spend more time with my family
…join SIM (singles in motion). I want to dance!!!

What do you want to continue to do this year that you started doing last year? I want to...

.....remain thin (hahah)
....take care of my hair
....travel
…bake bake bake

What countries do you still want to visit this year?
Japan, Korea, Canada, Singapore

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
funds… hahha.. i want to send my sister abroad t o travel

What is one place that you really really want to go to this year?
Japan/Canada

What are the places that you want to go back to this year?
PNG (kung posible)

What are you looking forward to this year?
mmm… God’s strength

Do you think that 2009 will be a better year for you?
It will be one of the best years of my life. (hahha)

What is one thing that you will change in your attitude?
be more patient, compassion for the lost

What is one dream that you want to see fulfilled this year?
=)

What can make you really really excited this year?
little by little getting closer to where I want to be

What would be your motto for this year?
FIGHT (motto ba un?)

I am a Christian

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin."I'm whispering "I was lost,"Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"I don't speak of this with pride.I'm confessing that I stumbleand need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not trying to be strong.I'm professing that I'm weakand need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not bragging of success.I'm admitting I have failedand need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not claiming to be perfect,My flaws are far too visiblebut, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I still feel the sting of pain,I have my share of heartachesSo I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"I'm not holier than thou,I'm just a simple sinnerwho received God's good grace, somehow.


~Maya Angelou~