I’m back

I’m back to being myself, finally!

During my journey in the desert, I kept praying “Lord, bring me back to being me. I want to be Viviene again.”

And last night, I finally heard myself laugh for the first time and I mean really laugh! I have a very distinct laughter so it’s always easy to figure out if I’m present in an event or not. Or if you are trying to find me in the crowd, it’s easy to spot me. Just listen to my voice (to my laughter to be exact) and there you will find me!

I cracked a joke that made Mara really laugh hard. She said, “Oh my Viviene. You are really back. It’s good to see you around again!” I somewhat detached myself from the world for quite some time.

Two nights ago, Dr. Larry said before we parted after the Toastmasters meeting, “It’s good to see you more regularly now.” I always have a lot of alibi for not attending our meetings.

And check out my room now… My room is a very accurate gauge of my emotional condition. I never allow my room to be messy. It’s my space and I want it neat and clean at all times! And when I am upset, disappointed or depressed I assure you, my room is no different from a jungle! LOL

I’m so happy to finally be back! Yehey! It’s nice to visibly see that I’m going back to a normal life.

Exodus 13:19

‘Moses took the bones of Joseph with him, for Joseph had made the sons of Israel swear that they would take his bones with them when God led them out of Egypt – as he was sure God would.’

Say what? I don’t know what you call that but I would simply call that faith. It’s like saying… “I might not witness it but I’m certain God will do as He promised so go take my bone when it happens, all right?”

You can count on God’s promises!

Deliverance

God must have intentionally led me to read Exodus in my quiet time to make the lessons come more alive in my life.

I had been enslaved with worry, guilt and unforgiveness that led to depression for days, weeks or maybe months. I isolated myself from ministry, fellowship and church activities in general. I just want to be alone.

Then just some nights ago, I had a coffee chat with Weng. Apparently, she’d been noticing that I am ‘not’ ok. In as much as I want to establish my composure, I was just brought to tears as I pour my heart out. You call that breathing!

And now, I am absolutely sure that… I had been delivered. I’m ready to face life again. Armed with God’s strength, I know I can now stand again.

Saving Grace

Night and day I seek Your face
Long for You in the secret place
All I want in this life
Is to truly know you more...

As the waters cover the sea,
So Your love covers me
Guiding me on,
Roads unkown
I trust in You alone

CHORUS
My Saving Grace
My endless love
Deeper and deeper
I'm falling in love with You
My one desire
My only truth
Deeper and deeper
I'm falling in love with you

BRIDGE
And I will rise on wings of eagles
Soaring high above all my fears
I rest in Your open arms of love

A song that brought me to tears this morning! It spoke of my heart... "All I want in this life
Is to truly know you more..."

I'm in love with You, Lord!

Suffocated

1 week of not breathing is really something! I had no internet at home nor in school, so wasnt able to visit my blog for a week! This is my breathing place. And not breathing for a week is suffocating! Stress is up until my neck and had a tremendous break down 2 nights ago. Everything is well now. ~wink~

I shall return with my normal blogging in a few days. Heheh...

Knowing You

All I once held dear built my life upon
All this world reveres, and wars to own
All I once thought gain I have counted loss
Spent and worthless now, compared to this

(Chorus:)
Knowing you, Jesus knowing you
There is no greater thing
You're my all you're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love you ,lord
Now my heart's desire is to know you more
To be found in you, and known as yours
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

(Chorus)

Oh to know the power of your risen life
And to know you in your suffering
To become like you in your death my Lord
So with You to liveAnd never die

(Chorus)

God spoke to me in a special way through this song. There really is no greater thing than knowing Jesus!